In my Wainwrights Shoes by Chris Wainwright

2. Doctor Solicitor Conspiracy
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Reading law at university hardly compared to life as an infantry Platoon Commander. I failed the exams and had to wait a year to resit. On my return the new students had heard all about me but I felt strangely nervous. A schoolfriend came to visit and stayed overnight but in the morning I wished I could simply disappear. He never contacted me again. The only place I felt safe was back home in Princes Risborough. An Aylesbury psychiatrist Dr S said I had an "emotional" problem and decided I was over-reliant on my father. In truth I had a treatable illness which I later realised he decided to withold from me. If that didn't amount to professional misconduct I don't know what does. We all have a gut reaction to people and mine was correct about DrS. His failure to diagnose me correctly came extremely close to killing me. He never spoke to any of my friends whereas using elementary common sense I would do that first.

At one stage I was so ill I was hospitalised after an overdose which was a clue as to the depth of my depression. Eventually in time my mood returned to normal. Neither the psychiatrist nor the GPs gave me any reason to think that the depression would happen again so glad to be able to get on I put it behind me. Most youngsters at that age are from the Douglas Bader school. Back at Leicester I caught up with missed work and to peoples surprise kept up my social life and got a 2 ii degree. I then went on to spend 6 months at law school without any health problem at all. My father knew a local solicitor TD who was one if his customers. He came in the shop one day wearing a sombrero which impressed dad. Without even asking me he arranged a job interview and I began training with these well-known Aylesbury solicitors needing 2 years in 'articles' to qualify and practice. I made a good start in Newport Pagnell but unfortunately a year later a second bout of depression started.

The depression steadily worsened and affected me so badly that I couldn't get out of bed let alone work. If anybody had tried to force me I'd have fought them tooth and nail. Ten years later when I was at last officially diagnosed I knew at the time of my first depression the GPs should have warned me I might experience a 'manic episode'. As it was my 'out of character manic behaviour' attracted police attention. I'd caught a train to visit a former girlfriend but on the journey my manic state of mind completely took over and I behaved like a juvenile out of control as if in a dream. I had no idea at all that I was doing anything out of place but it would have been obvious to people who knew me and to onlookers that I had something seriously wrong. Our legal system calls the condition 'automatism'. It was caused by bipolar disorder and my actions were not my fault. I was 25 at the time and once recovered I had trouble coming to terms with what had happened and understanding I wasn't to blame. A Detective Inspector with a vindictive sense of humour made sure I was charged with theft from a railway buffet car. Instead of a till they kept their banknotes in a paper cup. I'd been laughing  and to teach them a lesson jumped on the counter leant over and took the cash. The DI knew all along I was ill but he found the circumstances so amusing he didn't want to lose the opportunty of continuing the fun.

Once acquitted by the magistrates court my solicitor employers 'allowed' me to finish my articles. It was obvious they didn't want me back even though I'd done nothing wrong. Before my illness AJB had suggested 'I make a name for myself' by opening a branch office in Wolverton for them! Now they wanted me gone as soon as possible provided I left on the exact last day! They stipulated that I should not be taking any medication. It was all by word of mouth nothing was put in writing. I had to share an office supervised by one of the firms partners presumably in case I lost control although it amounted to shutting the stable after the horse had bolted! I was a decent, hard-working and conscientious young man who had the terrible luck to be struck by a cruel illness. The way they treated me was thoughtless without empathy. The senior partner knew from the psychiatrist that I had bipolar. Don't tell me they couldn't work it out for themselves. I could avoided the manic episode had I been warned. I was a conscientious employee innocent of blame but encouraged back to work with a disclosed illness. I had the tables turned to make me appear criminal.

If this scenario happened today what would Aylesburys leading solicitors do? What would the Law Society say if I reported the matter as I did at the time? Working at their Newport Pagnell office one day I overheard AB chuckling on the phone about a colleague, D, 'still spilling his tea on the stairs'. I realised I wasn't the only one with nervous difficulties. There are plenty of solicitors in the country today who have problems with bipolar and mental illness issues so how do they all manage? Do they make their employers aware and carry on practicing but promising to keep their illness a secret? Whatever the case please don't hesitate to contact me it could be constructive to compare notes!

High Wycombe Solicitor
 
I found a solicitors vacancy in High Wycombe. Unfortunately I only had my former principal as referee for my job interview. For obvious reasons I didn’t want to go into my health history but to cover himself AB made it a condition that he would only act as referee if I agreed to make 'full disclosure'. I had no choice but to comply and arranged to go back to my interviewer who had already offered me the job. R listened patiently to my tale of woe and smiled. He said simply that he still needed to know my start date. R was a genuinely caring man. A peoples person who was extremely popular within the firm. It was always a pleasure working with him. I started work and as usual was conscientious and thorough. The partners soon offered me a partnership if my profits continued as they had for the next year. My High Wycombe job lead to me meeting my wife Maria. It was love at first sight for me and I soon told her all about my health problems which I believed would not recur. We soon married and had our first child.

Unfortunately, a third depression set in. I didn't recognise it as such or think that it was related to anything I'd had earlier. Dr S had told me I had an 'emotional' problem and "didn't need medication'' so I thought I had a clean bill of health. I reasoned that this present anxiety was related to the pressure of legal work which would wear off if I went back into retail. In those pre-internet years I wasn't experienced enough to know I'd been mislead by the doctors. My confidence gradually slumped and I became very tense and nervous. I had got on well with the partners at BL & Co as their partnership offer demonstrated but as my anxiety and depression worsened I had great difficulty hiding it. I was very quiet, pre-occupied and nervous. I told R.S and S.G that I was returning to my family business in a career change. I was in a bad state and I still don't know how I managed to get through the day. I would drive into work counting the days until I could leave and start feeling better. We can all put on a front but I've always wondered why the partners never questioned my decision or even ask if I was ok. I had a meeting with a local solicitor RM who had an interest in me. No sooner had we met he saw I was not in a good way and I never heard from him again. RS and SG must have known I had some form of mental illness but decided not to go there. Due to my mood I ceased practicing as a solicitor in 1986 and returned to our family shoe business at Princes Risborough. A couple of years later following a dire emergency I had my bipolar 1 diagnosis. It should never have taken 14 years to get to that point where I could be properly medicated. Out of the pan I was soon in the fire waiting for cremation in our family business.


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